I've never wanted it all to end as much as I do right now. I remember the times that I sat in the warm water in the tub with the razor in my hand.. I knew each time that I wouldn't do it.. but I sat there and I stared at it none the less. Even at those moments, those dark moments, I had more respect for life and for myself than I do right now at this very instant. It's amazing to me sometimes that love can provoke such emotions... love is all happiness and pink hearts and red roses, right? Well, don't we all fucking wish we lived in a little Valentine's dream world. Well, I don't know where the rest of you live, but I live in a place where love can bring the most hurtful, horrid, depressing and suicidal thoughts to ever cross one's mind.. blissful indeed.
I now live in a dark place, a place that I have shut myself into. A little hole in the ground, room enough for one (and a cat). I have made the decision once again, to run, to run and to hide because love can hurt. Makes a whole lot of sense, doesn't it? It's a little game I like to play with myself.. the object of the game is complete unhappiness and aloneness.... hurrah for me finally getting on track and reaching my god damned goals, hunh?
